Serenity Ep 4 'Shiperoid'
by divinemissm15
Summary: Inara entertains an unlikey client who comes in handy later when the crew become entrapped inside an asteroid....Reads better than it sounds lol...


EPISODE FOUR 'SHIPEROID' (think of better name)

EPISODE FOUR 'Shiperoid'

Continuation of episode before. Open with Derria opening her eyes to see Zoe lunging towards her. Zoe is strangling Derria with her hands, she is expressionless. Always a soldier. Considering Derria was coming out of a drug induced sleep she was unprepared and is still letting Zoe strangle her. When she comes back to her senses she throws Zoe off of her by pushing hard against her shoulders and kicking her backwards with either foot connecting with Zoe's hip bones (NOT HER STOMACH). Just before Zoe looks like she is going to slam into the wall Derria stops her. Zoe is a little stunned that Derria didn't let her hit the wall.

Zoe: What d'you do that for?

Derria: Just a feelin I guess.

Zoe: You always get feelings when people are tryin to kill you?

Derria: Things always been trying to kill me, gotta make do with what you get.

The girls pause for a moment but are still standing as though the other could attack at any moment.

Derria: Why you so angry at me? I don't wanna fight you. I don't wanna fight no one here.

Zoe: Well life's not really always that fair, you think someone like you would know that by now. (Beat) You were talkin in your sleep. Do you remember what you were dreaming about?

Derria: You're all angry beatin up on me because of my dreaming?

Zoe doesn't answer.

Derria cont: It was a man, um holding a baby and apologising. You were (gestures the kneeding motion with her hands because she can't remember the word)

Zoe: Washing?

Derria cont: Baking. Simon and the tall grunty one were green and other things that don't matter. (beat) OH River was there...

Zoe: River?

Derria cautiously nods and watches as Zoe automatically leaves the room. Rubbing her neck a little Derria can hear Zoe talk into comms outside the dorm.

Zoe: River can you please come down……

But River is already standing at the end of the dorm hallway looking at Zoe. The pair say nothing Zoe merely steps aside so River can enter Derria's Dorm. Before Zoe can re enter Jayne also appears and has seen River enter Derria's room.

Jayne: What's going on?

Zoe: Girl stuff.

Jayne: Girl on girl stuff?

Zoe stares at him for a moment looking a little appalled before Jayne gets the hint and walks away.

Kaylee and Simon are talking cosily in the kitchen. Kaylee is leaned up against the kitchen counter, Simon in front of her, their faces close and they are in each others arms.

Simon: Maybe the next time we land I could take you out for (Chinese a magnificent) dinner? Just the two of us.

Kaylee grins and allows Simon to slowly kiss her. Jayne walks into the kitchen but the pair hardly notice.

Kaylee: (excited and a little playful) I could dress up, 'Nara could do my hair. I bet she could even do your hair you ask nice like.

Jayne walks right up to the pair and reaches around them both for something on the counter.

Simon: (sarcastically, playful) I know it would be an improvement but I think I'll do my own hair.

Jayne: (obviously intruding) Shiny so's that mean she could fit me in?

Without taking their eyes off each other Kaylee and Simon respond.

Kaylee: Jayne go away.

Simon: Can't you terrorise someone else?

Jayne: Probably, but it just wouldn't give me the same amounts of satisfaction.

Mal enters from the bridge end of the kitchen.

Mal: Jayne. You seen Zoe?

Jayne: Maybe.

Mal ignores the tone in Jayne's voice which makes him sound like a stroppy 3 year old and turns to ask Kaylee and Simon the same question.

Mal: Have you two… (Chinese why am I bothering) never mind.

He walks straight through and out the kitchen towards the engine room.

Jayne: (yelling after him) she's having a secret girls meetin in the dorms.

Mal: (to himself walking down the corridor) Secret girls meeting?

In Derria's dorm room the girls have obviously been talking. They are standing at the points of an imaginary triangle and there is definitely still tension between them.

River: (to Derria) I'm sorry I walked in your brain.

Derria: (a little confused) that's alright…you had your shoes off.

Zoe: We understand each other?

River: We shouldn't be keeping secrets.

Derria: Like you said, they aint yours to tell.

River is silent at this she knows they wont stay secrets forever. The three stand in quiet as they hear Mal at the door.

Mal: Zoe?

Zoe: Sir.

Mal enters and sees River, Derria and Zoe standing at a distance from each other. He has a 'what the hell did I just walk in on' expression on his face. He realises Derria is awake and soon forgets that it's definitely weird for the three girls to be in the same room at one time.

Mal: (to Derria) you're up. Sleep well?

Derria is a little shy at the fact that Mal is talking directly at her and as a result her voice shakes a little.

Derria: Uh was a mite bumpy towards the end (glaring at Zoe and rubbing her neck again) but it should be fine now.

Mal: Ok. So majority's it. You got yourself a home here till destined otherwise. However I don't want to see you in the bridge or engine room unless with another (Chinese Understand)?

Derria: I will, I mean I won't, I mean….

Mal: Mumblings good enough for me. Zoe I need you on the bridge.

Zoe: Right there Sir.

Mal leaves the room and the girls recommence glaring.

END TEASER

In the bridge Zoe, Mal and a Wash that only Zoe can see are all staring out the window with confused and astounded looks on their faces. They all tilt their heads in confusion to the opposite side.

Wash: Well….I like it. It's very (tries to use hand gestures to describe) …um artistically together.

Wash leans down to talk in Zoe's ear.

Wash cont: Lets fly very far away from it now ok?

Jayne enters the bridge and is again eating something (because in my mind he seems to be always eating.) He hasn't noticed what Mal and Zoe are looking at.

Jayne: How much you think I could make off C grade porn captures of the Doc and Ka….what in the Gorram hell is that?

We finally get to see what they are all looking at. It looks like an asteroid and a slightly newer model Firefly have been fused together. Part rock, part ship. Totally unnatural.

Wash: I give you proof we live in Science fiction.

Zoe: It's a ship.

Mal: And an asteroid.

Wash: I dub thee 'Shiperoid.'

Jayne: Yeah but how'd it get all …..like that?

Mal: No idea.

Derria who is secretly listening leans her head in around the doorway into the bridge for a glance. She also tilts her head but quickly hides again when it looks as though she might be spotted.

The Asteroid has rotated slowly and is now turned so we can see the docking bay doors are still accessible.

Mal: Bay is free, looks like we can dock if need be.

Zoe: Shuttles are gone though, who ever was there probably aint now.

Wash: Reavers?

Jayne (almost at the same time as imaginary Wash) Reavers?

Derria (off-screen): No.

Zoe, Wash and Jayne look back to where Derria spoke from and then to Mal.

Mal: Derria you're allowed to come in when we are in here.

Derria (offscreen): I know.

Derria doesn't move from her spot however. Kaylee walks up the stairs and stares at Derria a little as she walks straight past and enters the bridge.

Kaylee: Capt'n? The engines are all full bore and running but we aint movin. It's like were stuck. Woah…

Kaylee also spots the Shiperoid. Zoe has checked the controls.

Zoe: She's right we haven't moved from this rotation for 40 minutes.

Jayne: Do you think they were rich people, flying on that fanciful firefly?

Wash: (Trying to say it over and over as though it were a tongue twister) Flying on that fanciful firefly, flying on that fanciful firefly, flying on that….

Zoe: Shhhh. (to Wash)

Everyone automatically turns to look at Zoe who has just shhhshd complete silence.

Zoe: Uh I thought uh… Derria? You sure Reavers aint been anywhere near here?

Derria (offscreen): They mighta been near here but they aint never been on that ship. No trap, no markings, no oil stains and, well, (leanind out again) it just looks a bit wrong.

Zoe: What do you think? (To Mal)

Mal: Kaylee?

Kaylee: It don't look like it would be unstable. It might've depressurised when it hit rock though.

Jayne: Pressures very important. (Trying to show off and sound like he knows what's going on)

Kaylee: Only if you enjoy breathing. (Completely ignoring his dumb comment)

Mal: (After some thought) Suit up, something on that ship is keeping us here, lets go turn it off (off Jayne's look) and o course give a good home to any valuables that mighta been left behind…

Inside Inara's shuttle Inara and a rather good looking male client are having tea and talking. He doesn't look like he's made of money, very buff but a little rough around the edges. The pair just finish laughing as a knock is heard at the door.

Inara: Would you excuse me?

Man: (Chinese Course).

Inara opens her door to see Kaylee standing there.

Inara: Kaylee?

Kaylee: Capt'n just wanted to let you know that we might run late getting to Liann Juin on account of were……

Kaylee's eyes and train of thought wonder off around behind Inara where she can see her client and is a little taken by his good looks. Inara notices and moves her head to block Kaylee's view with a grin appearing on her face.

Inara: Kaylee? Were what?

Kaylee: (coming back to her senses) Oh right sorry, uh were stuck and getting slowly sucked into an asteroid.

Inara's grin vanishes.

Kaylee cont: but don't worry, it's all shiny, we got it covered, you just stay here and keep your guest all taken care of.

Kaylee tries to peer around behind Inara again but gives up at Inara's look, which is a mixture of worry and frustration.

Kaylee cont: Don't fret, Captn's got it handled.

Kaylee turns and leaves Inara to reassure herself. Kind of.

Inara: (to herself) since when is that a good thing.

Still in Inara's shuttle she closes the door and turns back to her client.

Man: We alright?

Inara: I'm sure that we will be.

Inara goes back to sit down on the pillows she has set out around her table, they continue having tea.

Inara cont: You were telling me about your company?

Man: Oh yeah, started it me self, with these hands, o course they were a lot dirtier back then. My hands, not the company.

Inara: (Grinning in compliment) you seem to have done quite well for yourself.

Man: Yep. After the Alliance bought out most of me model rigs, taint hard finding good jobs for me men.

The pair politely smile and sip their tea at the same time.

Man: Yeh sure there aint nothing I can do to help your Capt'n?

Inara: Mal is quite capable of handling himself in these situations (trying to convince herself as well as her client), I assure you apart from running a little late to Liann Juin you have nothing to worry about.

Man: You call yeh capt'n by his name?

Inara: (Dodging the question) May I ask a personal question?

Man: (Kind of already knowing what it is) Why'd I hire voyage with a companion if not to…….companionize with her?

Inara: I apologise I didn't mean to be so forward about it, I've been a little curious for the past week I spose.

Man: Why wait to ask me now?

Inara: Very rarely, not since I left the academy in fact, have I had a client who didn't want….

Man: That don't have nothing to do with why you call your Capt'n by his name would it? Why you took me on?

The man can see Inara is a little uncomfortable talking about Mal, although she is very professional about her awkwardness. The man decides to confide in her a little to regain some trust.

Man cont: I made a promise to someone, long time ago and I never felt the need to break that promise. Just thought the company would be a nice change stead o flying alone.

Inara smiles at his words to say she understands.

In the cargo bay Mal and Zoe are suiting up while Jayne and Simon are gathering crates to take on board the ship. Derria is hanging upside down from one of the railings, watching.

Mal and Zoe finish suiting up and step into the airlock between ships. Kaylee pushes the hanger buttons. The doors open and close and the Cap and Zoe board the other ship.

In the bridge River is piloting Serenity.

River comms: This is Serenity to Shiperoid, Serenity to Shiperoid, do you copy?

On Shiperoid Mal and Zoe look at each other with a look of 'why did we leave her in the bridge but we are kind of used to it' looks on their face.

Zoe: (to mal) Airs stable, enough for 3 maybe 4 hours.

Mal nods and comms River.

Mal: River?

River comms: (we stay with Mal and Zoe) Mal.

Mal: Air is stable send the crew over, and since when are we calling this thing Shiperoid?

River: (Back on Serenity) everything needs a name Mal.

River is pushing buttons and we can now see that Wash is sitting in the second pilot's chair. River does not acknowledge that Wash is there. She can't see him like Zoe we just figure she can sense that he is there.

In the cargo bay where the crew are waiting to board Shiperoid, Kaylee goes to pick up one of crates. Jayne sees and he rushes over the help her.

Kaylee: Jayne I got it.

Jayne: Nah just let me…

Kaylee and Jayne bicker for a moment before Jayne pulls hard on his end and Kaylee drops hers with a thud. Jayne grinns as though he has won some important macho battle and carries the crate into shiperoid. Meanwhile, to the left, Simon is clearly struggling with his crate so Kaylee goes over to help him.

Derria and River (who has come down to the cargo bay) have been watching all of this and while Derria looks slightly confused. River smiles a little.

Mal walks back into the cargo bay of Serenity.

Mal: (to Derria) You comin?

Derria tries to ignore Mal, not wanting to make direct eye contact if possible. However, she is hanging upsidedown and it just looks like she is pulling a weird face at him.

Mal: Have it your way, we don't need your help on this anyways.

He turns his attention to River

Mal cont: (Chinese Albertrosse) can you record all comms transmissions. I uh, want to see if we pick up any uh, feedback. Tells us why were stuck.

River: Got it. If Zoe talks with her dead husband again we'll have proof to confront her with.

Mal: Right……

A little unsure at Rivers comment he walks back on to Shiperoid.

Derria: Did you know when you're all upside the right way like I am and all the blood goes to your head, your eyeballs feel….strange…like they could explode.

River: (beat) I could make your eyeballs explode.

Derria flips off from the railing and walks towards Shiperoid. Clearly going to join the others because River is still giving her the wiggins.

Derria: I think he said they didn't want my help.

In Shiperoids Cargo bay Kaylee and Simon walk past Mal and he catches them as they go.

Mal: Kaylee, full power would be nice, take the Doc if you want.

Kaylee: (looking at Simon but speaking to Mal) Yes sir, we'll be making sparks.

Mal: Of the electrical kind!

Kaylee: (grinning) Is their any other?

Zoe is on the Bridge of shiperoid going through ships logs etc. She is having a conversation with Wash over Comms.

Zoe: Crews last log…..

Wash: Are they dead? Cause I'm still all for getting outta here?

Zoe: They chose to leave their ship, no casualties, they just left.

Wash: Ususally I would think that's strange for a crew to leave their ship for no reason but when its half encased with rock…..not so weird. Do they have any wave logs?

Zoe: One. But I can't open it.

Wash: Yes you can.

Zoe sighs and closes her eyes for a moment, then on a deep breathe she starts pushing buttons again.

Zoe: Got it. (She smiles)

Wash: See, my baby can do anything.

Zoe's smile fades instantly at Wash's comment and the Wave begins to play. A man begins to talk, his ship in the background clearly unstable.

Wave Man: The new magnectical components we had installed in the ships main engine have somewhat backfired….

Kaylee is under the engine and Simon is going to hand her a…

Simon: What is this?

Kaylee, without moving from under the engine reaches out her hand and blindly feels the shape of the object Simon is holding.

Kaylee: It's a graphter; I need the shielding, looks sorta the same but has a soft head.

Simon goes to return the tool and get the right one (hopefully.)

Kaylee cont: Shiny! They've done some pretty advanced mechanical reconsturctions down here. The polydome's been replaced entirely. I aint never thought of that.

Simon: Is that good or bad?

Kaylee: Magnetics.

Simon: (chinese Um What?)

Kaylee: The whole gorram things been changed……there….

The Ships engine boots up to full power and almost immediately the room around them crunches and grinds as thought it is a tin can being crushed. Kaylee looks a little worried at Simon and he turns to leave the room.

Simon: Stay with the engine, I'll go see how Zoe's going on the bridge.

Kaylee nodds still worried. Simon walks past Jayne who enters the engine room eating a bag of protein chunks entirely unphased by the crunching going on around him.

Jayne: Whad'you do?

Kaylee: Nothing.

Kaylee goes back to fiddling and Jayne starts opening and closing the door.

Jayne: We got a door like this on Serenity?

Kaylee: Not on the engine room.

Jayne: Want one?

He smiles waiting for approval but when it doesn't come he turns to the door to close it so he can get access to the hinges.

Zoe is staring at the ceiling of the bridge listening to the crunching. Mal is also there now.

Zoe: (To herself and in chinese) Why everything that's holy laughs as it passes us by?

Simon: Anything? We got the engine booted but then ….this…(gesturing and meaning the crunching going on around them)

Mal comms: River? We moving yet?

River comms: Yes.

Wash comms: She has but face.

Zoe: But?

River comms: Ships being drawn into the rock now, and Kaylee and Jayne are trapped in the engine room.

Kaylee has been trying to re open the engine room door, which has become stuck after Jayne closed it and couldn't get it open again.

Kaylee: It's stuck.

Jayne: Whad'ya mean it's stuck? You aint doin it right.

Kaylee: I AM doing it right Jayne. I know how to open a Gorram door.

Jayne: Really? Cause it looks to me like all that mechanical…ness you got in you, don't help a bit when it comes to doors.

Kaylee: (Chinese Screw you) Fine. (Giving up and stepping away from the door) You try.

Jayne moves forward and unsuccessfully tries to open the door.

Jayne: (beat) it's stuck.

He tries to smoothly move away from the door as though he hasn't just embarrassed himself. Kaylee rolls her eyes a little. The pair then freeze and look around the room at the sound of the ship again slowly crushing itself into the asteroid.

Kaylee: We gotta turn the power off.

Zoe: We have to cut the power. The magnetics are reacting with something in the asteroid forcing the two to want to fuse together. We must have been stuck in the field but when we booted her up... Capt'n I think were humped.

Simon: The ship is being squashed into oblivion? I'm surprised any power is still getting through.

River comms: You need to get off Shiperoid now!

Simon: But…(Concerned about Kaylee mostly, but I'm sure there might be an inkling of worry for Jayne, mostly Kaylee)

Mal: I have ideas with that, lets go…

Zoe: Kaylee'll know to shut the engine off…(reasuring Simon as they begin to leave)

They all exit the Bridge but we stay with the room, Zoe returns a second later and just stares into the room. Derria pops out of wherever the hell she was hiding and follows Zoe out the room.

Mal bursts into Inara's shuttle with a hand over his eyes just incase.

Mal: Nara don't mean to sound the jealous type here, but I want your client.

Inara looks slightly amused, but her client is confused and a little angry at the intrusion.

Mal enters the bridge with Inara's client.

Mal: This is Dregan he'll be our certified driller for the evenin.

River smiles and waves, Simon looks starstruck, Zoe has no facial expression. They are the only ones in the room. Wash is not there.

Dregan: Do you got ship schematics? I'm gonna need to know where to start drillin once my boys get here.

Zoe nods and sits at the console and starts typing and pushing buttons.

Simon: Dregan, as in 'the' Dregan Bails? Of Courteous (Chinese eternal wholes) Drilling?

Dregan: Well whad'ya know I'm famous.

Zoe hands some codes to Dregan and gestures for him to take a look at the console. He moves forward and Mal is left just staring at Simon.

Mal: Doc, you blushin?

Back in the Crushing engine room on Shiperoid.

Kaylee is standing infront of Jayne who has slumped himself on the floor with his bag of protein chunks. The walls are visibly crushing in around them and the door definitely wont open now.

Kaylee: Capt'n'll come for us.

Jayne: Right sure, if he could get the Gorram hell away from this tin can he aint stickin round for us.

Kaylee: Jayne, how can you say that, after everything? He's not gonna just leave us. They know where we are.

Jayne: They know where you are…

Kaylee: Jayne…..

But Kaylee is cut off by the sudden dizzyness she feels. Jayne gets up immediately to comfort her but also feels dizzy. They both sink to the floor and begin to breathe slowely.

Jayne: Good news right? We wont be crushed to death? Just suffocate.

Kaylee glares a little but scampers to his side when the room crushes again, this time bringing the lights smashing down and about half the room in around them. Kaylee shrieks a little as a part of the roof has fallen onto her leg, she throws it off and tries to breathe through the pain. After this burst they are left with about a quarter of the room left.

Kaylee coughs a little and Jayne puts his arm around her, supporting her and her new injury.

Jayne: I'm ….sorry for bein an ass bout you and the Doc.

Kaylee: Jayne… (She is slowely passing out)

Jayne: And I'm sorry about the porn captures idea…

Kaylee: What?

Jayne: I just, don't want notthin to happen to you is all. (Pause) You're like, a little sis, or something….more manly. (He grunts and makes man noises, but he is also beginning to pass out), I like big guns.

Kaylee is moved by his attempt at human emotion and kisses him on the cheek before snuggling up next to him dopily. Jayne rests his head back also feeling tired.

Kaylee: They'll come any second. I promise.

The pair both close their eyes and pass out, and the lights black out in the room.

Outside Shiperoid we see another vessel fly in and position itself over Shiperoid. It doesn't land on the rock just hovers above it. Then a drill encased in a clear shield begins drilling into the rock. As the drill, drills we see the parts of rock fly up the encasing and out into space, at the same time another tube is forced down along the inside of the clear casing that looks like it's pushing air into the hole. When it looks as though the drill is through the rock it retracts back inside the ship, and two men climb down the clear encasing and into Shiperoid.

In the Infirmary Derria is hovering above Kaylee and River abover Jayne. Kaylee and Jayne appear to open their eyes at the same time and are both equally shocked at the figures floating above their heads.

Kaylee shrieks at Derria and then screams when she realises the pain in her leg.

Jayne: Gorramit girl (pushing River to the side) I thought I was gone and you were the thing I was gonna see forever.

River: (giggling) How do you know I wont be?

Derria who is still right near Kaylee.

Derria: You fixed bones in your ankle and foot.

Simon enters the room and corrects Derria.

Simon: Broke she broke bones in her ankle and foot. (to Kaylee and with more affection) They were small, they'll heal in no time.

He leans down to kiss her on the forehead, and then begins to tell them how they were rescued.

Simon: You wont believe who we had on this ship for the whole week….

Landed on Liann Jiun Inara is saying goodbye to Dregan on the Ramp out the Cargo Bay of Serenity. Dregans men are attending to the sides of the slightly crushed ship.

Inara: Thank you for all your help.

Dregan: Thank you for the company, I just wish I coulda done more for you.

He means about the damages to Serenity and Kaylee breaking her foot. Mal and Zoe who have been out in the town return to Serenity. Zoe enters and walks to Wash and leans in for a kiss. Mal notices Zoe leaning into thin air but turns to Dregan and Inara instead.

Mal: You did plenty, anytime we can lend a hand your way, let us know.

Dregan nods at them both and leaves the ship. Once out of earshot Mal begins talking with Inara.

Mal: He's been your first client since you came back right?

Inara: I suppose. What's your point?

Mal: Points been made, just…grateful for the company…

He walks back onto Serenity smug and smiling slightly. Inara looks defeated, Mal knows she isn't sleeping with her clients.

END EPISODE


End file.
